


Fast Times at South Park High

by valzilla



Category: South Park
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, F/M, M/M, Multi, Parody
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-10
Updated: 2018-04-17
Packaged: 2019-03-16 12:24:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 16,667
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13636239
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/valzilla/pseuds/valzilla
Summary: Kyle wasn’t a fan of going to school. He didn’t loathe it but it wasn’t the most productive place in the world considering he would usually goof off with his friends in class.Instead of get hit on by them.He misses one day of school and now his closest friends are chasing after him, Craig is smoking as many cigarettes as Kenny will supply him, Bebe and the rest of the girls avoid him like the plague while insisting he’s ruining Wendy’s relationship, his used-to-be-dead childhood classmates somehow came back to life, and he has no clue how to get anything back to normal.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So, maybe you remember a story similar to this that I posted way back then, but ended up deleting because I realized I wanted to take this story down a different route. I have a better grasp on certain characters, as well as better knowledge on really common SP tropes in the fandom, and I felt it would be better to start this story over.
> 
> Be ready for a lot of ships, a lot of characters, and hopefully have an open enough mind to have a laugh as I make fun of the character tropes that we're all guilty of.

Kyle squinted, lifting up a bony hand to shield his eyes from the ceiling lights. He felt dizzy and the back of his head hurt like crazy. He was reminded of when Token joked around and mentioned that his hair would make a good helmet if he ever hit his head. He was wrong.

Sighing, Kyle tried to get his eyes to focus and when they did he found Stan and Tweek hovering over him. He didn’t focus on what they said, instead trying to sit up against the hard floor of their school’s gymnasium but instead he was pushed back down by Stan.

“Hey, dude, don’t rush yourself. You took a really bad fall.”

Tweek nodded his head quickly, chewing on the skin of one of his thumbs. “Y-You don’t want to hurt yourself more, man.” He glanced around and tried to find their P.E. coach. “You should probably go to the nurse.”

“You guys, I’m fine.” Kyle pushed Stan’s hands away and tried to stand up. He immediately stumbled before Stan and Tweek tried to catch him and hold him up. “W-Woah…” Kyle felt as if his world was spinning. He took a few steps, swaying with each one as he felt dizzier by the second.

Stan sighed. “Tweek, go tell Coach that I’m taking Kyle to the nurse’s office. Ask him for Kyle’s locker combo to grab his shit.”

As Tweek busied himself with grabbing the attention of their coach by the bleachers, half of them having had melted last week from another incident, Stan tried to help Kyle walk to the other side of the school to the nurse.

Stan laughed, “You know, for someone who plays point guard, I never thought a freshman would get you to fall so easily.”

“Ha ha.” Kyle deadpanned, still trying not to stumble as they walked across the school ground quad. “You know that was probably one of Ike’s friends. The little shit probably dared someone to fuck with me.”

“That’s what you get for having a younger bro. You probably fucked him over without realizing it.” Stan puckered his lips and kissed the tips of his fingers. “He got that sweet, sweet revenge.”

He sighed, leaning against a wall of lockers as Stan knocked on the nurse’s door. “Or maybe I’m wrong and he had nothing to do with the 14-year-old who made me fall on my ass and probably gave me a concussion.” Kyle scratched the back of his head, cringing at the bump he already felt growing.

“Or maybe you’re right. But, either way,” Stan grabbed Kyle’s elbow and lead him to one of the beds. “This is as far as my journey goes and Tweek still has a while before he can come here and give you all of your shit.” The nurse began to shoo him out of the room. Stan called out to Kyle before the door could close. “Text me when you feel better! Love ya!”

He laughed before groaning when he felt his skull begin to throb. Laying down on the bed, he grabbed the iced sponge in a small baggie that the nurse offered to him. Staring up at the ceiling as he held the already melting bag up to his forehead, he recited his student number and his mother’s phone number to the nurse. As she called his mother and talked to her over the phone, Kyle felt himself falling asleep. He barely heard Tweek drop off his things, and couldn’t remember how he’d gotten into the back seat of his mother’s car, or how he miraculously appeared in bed under his sheets.

…

“Fuck…”

Kyle woke up without his alarm clock. It was out of habit, he supposed. And he was glad he didn’t have to bear witness to the awful beeping that would wake him up considering the headache he was already suffering through. Stretching himself out, he blindly searched for his phone before checking it.

No new notifications.

Kyle squinted, not sure if he was reading it right. He had been certain Stan would have sent him a message asking if he was alright. Not to mention he had accidentally skipped out on plans he made with Wendy and Nichole to help out the student council. Nichole might not be the kind to send angry texts to him, but he knew Wendy wouldn’t have hesitated at the first thought of his playing hooky on them.

Opening up his messages, he quickly sent a text to Stan.

Just woke up. Sorry, I knocked out back at school.

The text bubble sent itself green but he didn’t have enough time to care about that. Instead, he got ready for school after rummaging through his clothes. Checking his closet for a shirt to slip on, he was surprised when he found one of Stan’s older letterman jackets. It was worn down, the edges of the sleeves tearing, but it looked like it had plenty of love. And Kyle had no clue how it had gotten into his closet. The last time he checked, it had been one of the countless jackets Wendy had borrowed, not one that Kyle kept.

He tried to ignore the odd stains on the edges of the fabric as he buttoned up his shirt and closed the closet. If anything, he could just throw a pebble at Stan’s window to get his attention but he knew the guy was a heavy sleeper and it would take more than a boulder to wake him up so early in the morning for school. He scribbled a reminder to himself on a sticky note before grabbing his backpack, surprisingly light, and heading downstairs.

Grabbing his personal set of keys to the house, he left quietly and without breakfast. Kyle’s stomach growled angrily at him as he walked through the snow on the pavement to reach the bus stop, distracting himself with his phone until he found himself at the familiar crossing sign. His stomach got louder and he hoped he could find a spare energy bar in his backpack before his blood sugar got too low.

Getting closer, he found Kenny already waiting at the stop. Something seemed off about him and Kyle couldn’t help but slow down his steps.

He came to a complete stop as he watched Kenny puff out smoke from a cigarette he held in his ungloved hand.

Kenny turned his head, staring Kyle up and down before giving him a lopsided grin. “Hey, sweet cheeks. What’s up?”

Kyle felt his heart race as Kenny strolled up to him. He reeked of cigarette smoke and had a devilish appearance that was completely unfamiliar to Kyle.

“Didn’t think you would ride the bus again anytime soon. Thought you said it was gross and only for druggies like me.” Kenny tilted his head, taking a deep inhale before puffing smoke in Kyle’s face.

Kyle coughed, waving the smoke out of his air as he took a step back. Kenny followed suit. “I know damn well I’ve never called you a druggie before. Not to mention I’ve never even seen you fucking smoke before.” He coughed again. “I didn’t know you could afford ten packs a week but not your own lunch.”

Kenny took a step back to stare at Kyle. “I’ve been smoking for a while, dude.” He tossed the butt of his cigarette into the snow before stepping on it. “Listen, if I wanted someone to criticize me I would’ve come to you instead of you coming to me.” He grabbed a new stick from a pocket in his parka and lit it up. “And anyways, I thought you swore off talking to me.”

“W-What?”

Kenny smiled, getting even closer to Kyle. He tilted his head up by his chin, his nicotine-stained nails gently holding Kyle’s head in place. “Or did you finally get word of how good I am and you wanted to take me out for a ride.”

“D-Dude!” Kyle pushed Kenny away. “Get off of me!”

“Fine. You wanna be a tease? Whatever.” He took a puff of his cigarette. “Should’ve known you’re still as much of a priss as you used to be.” The bus arrived and as the doors opened, Kenny turned his head around. “The offer is still on the table, though.” He stuck out his tongue in between his index and middle finger with a wink before walking to the back of the bus.

Kyle walked up the steps to the bus, sitting in the very first spot he could find empty. He didn’t want to turn around and accidentally make eye contact with Kenny. He felt shaken up and even more so had no clue where Stan or Eric was. Neither of them had shown up in the morning and Stan had yet to respond to his text message.

Resting his chin in his hands, Kyle stared out the bus window as more and more students filled the seats. Eventually, he found himself in front of the school and he was the first one to run out of his seat.

The moment he took a step onto the pavement he froze in place. Students brushed shoulders with him, aggressive as they tried to walk past him to get to their lockers but Kyle just continued to stare.

Everywhere he looked, it felt staged. It felt as if everyone was acting a role they were so desperate to fit into that they didn’t do anything else if it wasn’t by the book.

The student parking lot felt like a disaster he wouldn’t touch with a ten-foot pole. It was loud, cars blasting music as students sat on the hoods and chattered about everything and nothing. Some of them were making out as if they were alone but Kyle decided to just turn his head away before he saw something he would regret.

Everything felt foreign to him and he couldn’t find a leg to stand on because he didn’t even know where any of his friends were. Not to mention the one friend he did find was completely unrecognizable.

Speaking of the devil, Kyle felt Kenny brush his shoulders before walking towards the side of the school where Craig was leaning against a wall. Kyle watched as Kenny took out a box and Craig picked out a cigarette to smoke as if he hadn’t barely finished the one he already had in his mouth. The air around them was murky and they barely spoke a word to each other but Kenny’s hand was traveling somewhere and Kyle didn’t want to see where it would end up. He almost sighed in relief when he noticed Craig shove him away, despite it not stopping Kenny from trying again.

Realizing he’d been standing in the middle of the walkway like a fool, Kyle speed walked to the school entrance, hoping he could get past the student body without seeing something he’d regret being witness to. Instead, he nearly immediately ran into Tweek by one of the lockers inside.

Falling to the floor, Kyle watched at Tweek tried to gather his things but dropped them again each time he did. The thermos he’d been carrying had spilled over with coffee but no one in the hallway seemed to pay attention to him.

Kneeling down, Kyle tried to help Tweek collect his papers that had fallen out of his binder. When he handed the extra papers to him, Kyle couldn’t help but notice how jittery Tweek was: his hands shook, his body trembled, and he looked pale and frail. He looked as if a strong enough gust of wind would blow him away, especially when he was drowning in that shirt that looked two sizes too big for him.

“Hey, Tweek, you alright?” Kyle hesitated to grab his shoulder, afraid of spooking him.

Tweek pushed everything into a messy pile onto his binder, not caring about the torn or wrinkled papers. “Y-Yeah! I-I’m -ngh- I’m f-fine.” He let out a little squeak as he stood up, the locker door behind him slamming shut enough to scare him. “I-I gotta go!” He leaned down to grab his empty thermos before running off down the hall, little squeaks and grunts escaping him as he did so.

Standing up, Kyle cleaned the dirt off of his knees as he stared down the hall. He knew Craig and Tweek acted at times as if they were attached to the hip, but watching Craig appear out of nowhere to comfort Tweek while keeping his cigarette in his unused hand wasn’t something Kyle expected to see. Tweek screeched and yelped while pulling his hair, fumbling with the things in his hands as Craig barely spoke a single word. At a moment’s eye contact, he flipped Kyle off and Kyle decided it was time to turn the other way to head to his locker.

Opening up his locker, he stared at the inside of the door. A small calendar was stuck up with a magnet and it was covered in highlighter marks. Each one marked an exam or study period or deadline for a college application, all of them brightly neon and enough to hurt his eyes if he stared at it for too long. Flipping through the future months, he found them all almost identical. Kyle couldn’t help but scoff when he noticed that every college was somewhere expensive and nearly impossible for him to get accepted to on account of his criminal record alone. He wasn’t sure who he was kidding by writing the deadlines for Harvard and Yale in thick black ink but he also couldn’t remember ever writing them in the first place.

Although, the very sight of the calendar was enough to make Kyle nervous so he quickly grabbed it and threw it in a nearby trash can before grabbing his things and closing his locker.

Staring at the sea of students passing by, he took a deep breath before nearly heaving it out. The more he thought about how out of place everything felt, the more nauseous he felt.

He walked opposite to the stream, taking the shortest route to his first class of the day. Nearly tripping on his way to the door, he realized he was the first one there. It was absolutely empty, even lacking a teacher, and it was enough to make Kyle double check the room number.

Shrugging off his nerves, he sat at his usual assigned seat near the front of the class. He stared at the door, hoping that someone he could recognize would enter the classroom and ask if he did the English homework or not. He didn’t, but that's beside the point.

He was used to getting to class early to talk to his friends but now he was scrolling through his timeline on his phone because he had fifteen minutes to burn before classes officially started and they felt like years passing by.

And then the bell rang and suddenly everyone walked in all at once.

Kyle watched as they flooded into the classroom, all of then sitting wherever they please but none of them making any contact with him. The teacher had walked in, already writing on the board. She didn’t take attendance, she didn’t tell anyone to quiet down, she didn’t even ask for last night’s homework.

Turning his head, Kyle found Bebe sitting behind him and fixing her makeup as she chatted with Red. Tapping her desk, Kyle caught her attention. “Hey, Bebe, I know I missed out on last period yesterday but did anything weird happen?” He tried to ignore her glossy scowl.

“Um, I don’t know what you’re talking about.” She grabbed a tube of her mascara and used it to lift Kyle’s hand off of her desk. “But I’d rather not talk to the school nerd. If I ever need to cheat off your test again though, I’ll give you a call.”

Red leaned over from her chair and whispered something in Bebe’s ear while staring at Kyle. The two of them fell into a fit of giggles as Kyle’s face turned red. He turned around before either of them could insult him.

Sneaking his phone out of his pocket, Kyle slid down on his chair and looked at his phone from under the desk. He had no replies and he couldn’t find anyone else recognizable in the classroom. Trying to distract himself with games on his phone, he felt each minute pass by unbearably slow as the teacher refused to do her job and he continued to catch little pieces of Bebe’s conversation with Red as she popped her bubblegum and talked shit about other students.

He was the first one to run of the classroom when the bell rang and he ran to his locker in hopes of finding some sort of solace. Exchanging his English textbook for his Chemistry one, he sighed before bracing himself for his next class period. Kyle had no clue what had happened to his friends and he wasn’t ready yet to see what else he would have to face.

On his way to his classroom, he bumped into someone, both of them falling to the ground.

“Shit, sorry about that.” Staring ahead, Kyle’s eyes went wide. “S-Stan!?”

  
Stan stared back at Kyle, cleaning himself off before standing up. He didn’t offer a hand to Kyle.

“Dude! Where have you been!? I’ve been trying to talk to you, like, all day and you didn’t respond at all!” Kyle stood up, taking a better look at Stan and his jock attire, “Woah, what’s with the outfit? I’ve never seen you take being in football so seriously before.”

“I don-”

“Oh!” He snapped his fingers, “And I meant to tell you that I found one of your old varsity jackets in my closet. I don’t really know how it got there but it’s covered in these weird stains and not to ment-”

Stan immediately covered Kyle’s mouth with his hand. His voice was to a whisper despite the hallway being extremely loud. “We swore we would keep this shit on the down low.”

Kyle licked Stan’s palm to get it off of him. He smirked for a moment when Stan reeled back in disgust. “What ‘shit’? Last time I checked we’ve been pretty open with everything.”

“O-Open? Dude!” Stan shoved him to the side. “I don’t know who the hell you’ve been spilling shit to, but if anyone comes up to me I’ll deny everything.”

“What the fuck are you talking about?” Kyle stared at Stan with confusion. Everything just kept getting worse and worse.

“Hey, Stan.” And speaking of the devil, Eric walked up from behind Stan. He sneered at Kyle. “So, this nerd bothering you or something?”

Kyle took a step back. Eric looked… handsome? Kyle remembered him as the overweight guy he saw yesterday at lunch, nothing at all like this. “I’m not a nerd, Cartman. And anyways, when did you lose the triple chin?” He angled his head, wondering if maybe Eric’s sudden weight loss was an optical illusion.

Eric shoved Kyle harder than Stan had, enough to make him hit one of the nearby lockers. “Shut the fuck up! I’ve always been like this.” He walked past Kyle, the tardy bell ringing as he did. “C’mon Stan, we gotta get to P.E. before Coach has our ass.”

Stan followed behind Eric before catching up to him.

“Stan?” Kyle watched as Stan matched Eric’s pace, not even glancing back at him. He cupped his hands around his face, yelling, “Some way to treat your best friend!” Kyle watched as Stan followed behind Eric, fumbling in his steps at the sound of his words. He barely took a second to reorganize himself before beginning to chatter to Eric about their upcoming game.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the way i wrote butters was a callout to myself and i apologize in advance

Kyle dragged his feet through the hallway. It was empty but, aside from the lack of hall monitors, he couldn’t muster the energy to worry about being late to his Chemistry class. All he really did was sigh every so often as he took the long way down the corridors, not even spotting the usual ginger kid that would’ve sent him to the dean’s office on the spot.

“Why was Stan acting so weird…?” Kyle mumbled, thinking out loud. He scratched the back of his head where he’d hit the locker doors after Eric pushed him. “Christ, and since when did _he_ become anything close to top dog here?”

Signing one more time, Kyle found himself in front of his classroom door. He glanced to the right up at the wall to spot the clock that quietly told him he was twenty minutes late. Taking in a deep breath, he braced himself before opening up the door.

He was hit with a paper airplane while being completely ignored by his teacher. She seemed to be writing notes on the whiteboard, but no one cared enough to stay quiet.

Putting his backpack down on the floor, Kyle sat down on his assigned stool. Resting his chin on his hand, he stared at the whiteboard until it turned hazy. Blinking his eyes, he tilted his head towards his lab partner Butters. 

Then he did a double-take.

“B-Butters!?”

Butters, who had been busy doodling on notebook paper, looked up at him. “Oh, hey, Kyle!”

Kyle stared straight at him. He was… he looked… he was _adorable_. In every sense of the word. From his faded mom jeans to his light blue turtleneck. His backpack was decorated in polka dots and his stationary was covered in asian cartoon characters. His undercut that should’ve been cool was anything but; instead somehow complimenting his cutesy appeal by leading up to his golden blonde hair that looked so soft Kyle almost couldn’t stop himself from running his fingers through it.

And his eyes. Holy shit, his eyes. Kyle felt as if they drew him in. They were wide, so wide he looked more like a rabbit than a person; a light blue that matched his sweater and made Kyle want to compare them to gems or an ocean. 

“U-Um, Kyle?”

He blinked twice, focusing back on reality. If he could even call it that. “Yeah?" 

“Y-You’re kinda close, don’t’cha think?”

Kyle leaned back, not having realized he was practically nose to nose with him. He cleared his throat. “Right, right, sorry. My bad.”

“Aw, it’s okay!” Butters’ voice was soft, a gentle drawl lulling Kyle’s thoughts. “Gee, you look so sad, though! What’s wrong?” Butter’s lifted the end of his pencil to his pink, plump lips.

Looking away before he felt the need to compare the color to something else, Kyle could barely get his thoughts coherent. The loud and rowdy classroom didn’t seem to help either. “I…” He glanced over to a few of the classmates around him and acted completely different than what he was used to. “Don’t you think… Don’t you feel like something weird is going on?” His voice was almost a whisper, as if someone overhearing would be the end of him.

“Well, I’m not sure what you could mean.”

“Like, I mean,” He sighed, running a hand through his hair, barely acknowledging that he wasn’t wearing his usual hat. “Everyone is acting weird. They’re our friends but they aren’t. Like-”

Kyle watched as Butters pulled out from his cutesy backpack a tube of chapstick, shimmery and glossy on his lips. Taking a better look at him, Kyle wouldn’t have hesitated to believe Butters had on blush, too.

“Like you!”

  
“L-Like me?” He bumped his knuckles together, clearly nervous despite not even knowing what he was being accused of. “W-What did I do, Kyle?” 

“Your shoes have hearts on them and your socks have cats on them!”

  
“A-And?”

“Your ears are pierced!” He pointed at the heart shaped gems in his ear lobes. “Last time I checked you would’ve been grounded just from thinking about piercing them!”  
  
“Silly! I’ve been hiding them!” Butters giggled nervously, “Kenny was the one who helped me do them when he snuck into my room at night.”

Kyle choked on his spit. “H-He sneaks into your room!?”

“W-Well he does that with everyone. I’m pretty sure he does that to you, too.” Butters hummed, “He always likes to make sure I’m safe.”

Kyle stared at Butters, his eyes wide open as he watched him fantasize about their friend. “Kenny?”

“Yup!”

“ _This_ Kenny?” Kyle pointed to their friend.

Currently, Kenny was busy in one of the back rows, a cigarette somehow lit in their classroom while he flipped through the pages of some porn magazine. The cover was a bright pink, covered in x’s and tits. He didn’t seem to care about the fact that he was surrounded by other classmates and instead continued to flip through each page with a look of boredom. Glancing up, he lifted one of his eyebrows and sent both of them a smirk.

Butters giggled at Kenny’s response. “Well, he’s the only Kenny I know about.” He waved at him before turning back around in his seat. “Gosh, Kyle, I’m not exactly sure what could be troublin’ you but we’ll all be at our usual table if you want to try to talk to Stan or Eric about it.”

Kyle watched as Butters grabbed his things, stuffing it into his backpack before standing up and laying a hand on his shoulder. “It sounds like a real issue you might be going through, but we’re here to help you, alright?” He walked off to sit next to Kenny, officially leaving Kyle alone with his thoughts.

‘We all sit together?’ He couldn’t believe it. Honestly, he’d rather have to sit next to one of Craig’s smoke clouds than force himself to sit with the people he thought were his friends that he couldn’t even recognize anymore. Avoiding as much social contact as he could manage, he took out his phone and tried to beat his highscore on a game. At this point he didn’t even care if the teacher caught him. He just wanted the class period to be over and done with.

\---

Hearing the bell ring, Kyle sighed in relief. His plan was to skip lunch all together and maybe call him mom saying that he still felt dizzy from yesterday and ask if she could sign him out of school. Maybe if he played his cards right he could skip the entire week and just ask the teachers for the missing assignments. If they even cared about their assignments.

Grabbing his backpack, he felt a hand go around his waist.

“Well, hey there. We really should stop meeting like this.” Kenny grinned at him. He reeked of smoke and Kyle wasn’t sure how Butters could stand it.

Kyle slapped his hand away. “Then let me leave.” He pushed his way through the two of them, speed walking towards the door.

“Woah, woah, woah.” Kenny rushed to stand in front of the door, his arms and legs spread to block Kyle’s way. “C’mon, you can’t just walk out on us like that. And, anyways, I’m sure everyone wants to hear what you’re thinking after the little story Buttercup over here told me.”

“Buttercup?”

“Aw, Ken, you know how I feel about that name.” Butters blushed.

“Want me to call you ‘dollface’ instead?” Kenny’s voice was overly flirty, dripping with affection, and it made Kyle cringe. He noticed Kenny lick his lips and he didn’t want stick around for the aftermath.

“Well,” Kyle cleared his throat, “It looks like you two are busy, and - woah, would you look at that! So am I. So if you’ll just let me slide by-”

Momentarily distracted by their flirting, Kenny let Kyle move past him with ease. Which let him take the opportunity to sprint to his locker.

Only to find Stan standing right in front of it.

Sliding on the tile, Kyle tried to turn around but froze when Stan called out to him.

“Kyle! Hey, dude. You coming to lunch?” Stan leaned back on the doors and motioned for Kyle to come over to him.

Taking his time, not wanting to be trampled by the other students, Kyle could feel his blood pressure rise by the second. “No. I’m not.” He shoved Stan’s shoulder, moving him over to unlock his locker.

“Dude!” He brushed his jacket off, “What was that for?”

“I don’t know. Call it payback for the way you talked to me this morning.” He emptied out his backpack, shoving his textbooks to the side before grabbing his bagged lunch. Maybe he could just eat in an empty classroom.

Stan tilted his head to the side, looking absolutely lost. “What about this morning?”

Slamming his locker closed, Kyle could barely hold it in. “How about how you overreacted over nothing!? How about how you let fucking Cartman push me into the lockers! How about you completely ignoring me afterwards to go to fucking P.E. with him!?”

A crowd had begun to gather around them but Kyle couldn’t care less. Stan, however, did.

“D-Dude!” Looking around, he brought his voice down to a harsh whisper. “Dude. Just sit with us at lunch. Kenny sent me a text that he thought something weird was up with you.” He grabbed Kyle’s wrist and dragged him towards the cafeteria and away from their audience.

Kyle snapped his wrist back, making Stan let go of him. “Kenny?” He scoffed. “I thought he was busy shoving his tongue down Butters’ mouth.” He thought for a moment, “And since when are those two a couple!?”

Stan shrugged, shoving his hands into the pockets of his jacket. “Since forever, I guess? And you know how Kenny is,” He laughed, as if two of his friends making out in a classroom wasn’t anything out of the norm. “He can’t keep his hands off of anyone. Now c’mon, dude. We gotta get to lunch before we get caught in the halls again.”

Following Stan into the cafeteria more out of necessity than personal gain, Kyle trailed behind him. He tried not to look around at the chaos surrounding the tables and instead made a beeline for their usual table, even beating Stan to it with how fast he’d walked.

“Dude, why did you run?” Stan chuckled, sitting down next to him and opening his own bagged lunch that he pulled out of his backpack.

Kyle looked around, barely turning his head Stan’s way. “No reason…”

“Yeah, well, you’re acting super weird and _that_ is why we’re gonna be hosting a mini-intervention here for you.” Pulling a flask out of his backpack, Stan uncapped it and a took a swig from it. Wiping his lips with the back of his hand, he continued. “And you keep on acting like you haven’t even met us before.”

“Of course I’m acting that way, I mean, haven’t you- Stan!” Kyle snatched the metal flask out of his friend’s hand, bringing it up to his nose to sniff it. “So, we’re holding a convention for me but not for you?”

“I’ve been doing this everyday and you’ve never said anything.” Stan grabbed it back, taking another sip. “I’m surprised you’re saying anything at all.”

“Dude! I thought we dealt with this way back! And even if we didn’t, how in the absolute fuck did you get that shit into school!?” Kyle readied himself to fight to grab the flask back, but Eric sat down in front of them and distracted them.

“Aw, are the lovebirds fighting again?” Eric cooed at them, resting his chin in his hands.

“Shut up, Cartman! I’m not gay!” Stan immediately fought back, downing his flask as if it was endless.

Tilting it back down with his hand, Kyle snorted. “Yeah, bi maybe. And you really gotta chill with this shit, man. How is your liver still alive?” Stan glared back at him and it left Kyle wondering which part of what he said made him mad.

“Rumors from last week’s party tells me otherwise.” Downing his food, Eric continued to talk much to Kyle’s disgust. “Bebe told Wendy who told Nichole who told Token who told Clyde who told Craig who told Tweek who told Butters who told Kenny who told _me_ that she saw you making out with someone in her closet in the basement.”

Stan paled. “S-She told Wendy?”

“Didn’t you just hear my train of information? Bebe told Wendy who told Nichole who told Token who told-”

“We know! Token told Clyde!” Kyle turned over to Stan, who seemed to have somehow refilled his flask when Kyle wasn’t paying attention. “Dude, what are you freaking out for? You guys haven’t gone out since like elementary school.”

As if he appeared out of thin air, Kenny intervened, sitting down next to Eric with Butters at his side. “Him and Wendy have been on and off for years. Haven’t you been paying attention?”

Kyle was paying more attention to how Butters snuggled up to Kenny, the hickies on both their necks, and the boot he felt trying to play footsie with him more than he was with Stan’s sudden relationship crisis. “Apparently not…” He glanced over at Stan who, for some reason he couldn’t figure out, seemed like he was on the verge of tears. “I’m guessing you guys are ‘on’?”

Eric snickered. “Not anymore they are.”

Kenny hit the back of Eric’s head with his hand. “Be more sensitive, dude. Stanny here is about to be face an angry Wendy.” He swiped Eric’s carton of milk and sipped from it. “Hell hath no fury like a woman’s wrath. I can confirm it, too.”

It was Eric’s turn to be annoyed. “Dude, don’t talk about you dying during lunch. I’m not here for a depression meal.”

“Dying?” Kyle stared at the two of them. “Who’s dying?”

Stan nudged his shoulder, “Don’t be a dick, Kyle. Look, Butters is already tearing up. Just leave it alone.”

True to his word, Kyle watch as Butters tried to fight back tears. He couldn’t remember the last time he saw he guy cry. If anything, he fought when he was frustrated, but this was new. But then again, what wasn’t? From the sudden silence that had overcome their lunch table to the way Butters let Kenny hug him tightly, Kyle was just as lost as he had been in the beginning of the day. And he felt that the trend would stay strong.

“Stan!”

Oh, would you look at that? He was right.

“O-Oh, he-hey! Wendy!” Stan waved weakly at his apparent girlfriend, who was absolutely fuming. “What’s up?” He rested his head on his hand as if that would be enough to mask his nerves.

“What’s up? What’s up!?” She slammed her hands down on their table. “What’s up is that Bebe told me you were busy sucking face with _someone_ -” She glared at Kyle, “-In the closet of her basement last weekend!”

“W-Well what if Bebe was lying!?”

“Bebe tells me this every week! What do you mean she would be lying about this to me!”

Kyle turned around and grabbed his lunch, slowly getting up. “Hey, so… I’m just gonna…” He motioned with his thumbs that he was leaving, to which no one paid attention to until Wendy did.

“Don’t think you’re an innocent party in this Kyle!”

He stared at her. “I-I didn’t even go to a party last weekend!”

“Yeah, you were busy studying for fucking Harvard or whatever, right, Jewboy?” Eric laughed.

Kenny grinned, elbowing Eric in the sides of his ribs. “And I thought you were busy checking his throat at said party he apparently didn’t go to.”

“Shut up, fatboy! And, Kenny, what in the absolute fuck are you implying!?”

Wendy hushed them, pointing her finger at Kyle. “All I’m hearing is that you were at Bebe’s party and that I’m about to give you a piece of my mind after I break up with Stan!”

“Again!?” Stan groaned, uncapping his flask.

Kyle took the chance and ran out of the cafeteria. And into someone’s locker door.

“Oh, gosh! Are you alright?”

Kyle felt a wave of deja-vu rush over him. But, that voice was familiar… He knew that accent from somewhere...

“Here, let me help you up, chap!”

Rubbing his eyes, he opened them up to find Pip bending over and offering him a hand to help him stand up.

“P-Pip!?”

“That’s me!” He chuckled, soft and arid. “You’ve taken quite a fall. Why don’t you let me walk you to the nurse’s office? You sound a little confused.”

Of course he was confused! “Y-You’re supposed to be dead! You died back in elementary school! W-Why are you here!?” Moving as fast as he could, Kyle felt himself get a head rush.

A voice called from the end of the hallway. “Pip!” Another accent? “What are you doing wiz Kyle? Damien iz looking for you.” God, why did his accent sound so heavy?

“Oh, Christophe! Help me with him? The poor thing sounds dazed.”

Christophe? God, why couldn’t he remember anything?

Christophe grunted before walking over to the two of them. “Sure, but we need to hurry. God iz a fickle bitch, and zo iz time.”

“M-Mole!?” Kyle stared at Christophe; tall, tan, rugged looks, and an unlit cigarette in his mouth. Jesus christ, did _everyone_ in this world smoke? “Didn’t you die!?” Kyle lifted his hand up to his face, wondering if it would faze through his high cheekbones.

Christophe smacked it away. “Yez, and I came back to life.”

Kyle watched the two of them chatter, feeling more and more confused and lightheaded by the second. This was beginning to become too much for him to take in.

“Don’t be so stern, Christophe!” Pip pouted, “Can’t you see Kyle just fell and is extremely confused?”

Taking a step closer to Kyle, Christophe lifted his chin with a gloved hand, “I can zee ze bump forming. Maybe we _should_ take him to ze nurse’s office.” He leaned in closer. “Afterall, we don’t want zomething zo cute to get hurt, now do we?”

Absolutely overwhelmed, Kyle did the only thing he felt he had enough energy to do.

Pass out and fall onto the tiled hallway floor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah how could i not bring back such a vintage ship and tropes


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to give such a big thank you to everyone whos commented, subscribed, or given this story kudos! I was nervous this would be a story not many would be interested in but it's honestly a relief to have such postive feedback! In all honestly, it's whats making me update to frequently now, and part of what makes me enjoy writing each chapter!
> 
> But anyways, heres chapter 3.

“Ngh- oh god- I-I, Craig-!”

Kyle struggled to open his eyes, and then when he heard a few grunts, wished he hadn’t even woken up.

“Shh… give me the bottle over there.”

Kyle could smell the acrid scent of tobacco, burning his nose the deeper he breathed in. It made him squirm, letting him realize he was on a nurse’s bed in her office. Under a thin sheet and not much else, he was beginning to realize he was getting more and more familiar with her workspace.

“B-But, Craig- ngh! W-What if w-we get caught!?”

Sitting up, Kyle rubbed the back of his head. Once again he could feel a bump growing, throbbing every time his fingers brushed up again it. He was just glad his hair could decently hide it. 

“We won’t get caught if you stop fucking squeaking.”

Sliding his legs off the bed, Kyle stood up and slid open the curtains that separated the beds from the rest of the office. 

“Oh god- ngh! O-oh! Kyle!” Tweek whipped his head over to Kyle, absolutely frozen in place.

Craig slapped his ass. “Why the fuck are you saying  _ his _ name?”

Kyle cleared his throat. 

“Oh. Hey,” Craig didn’t make any moves to adjust his briefs nor his tight skinny jeans. Instead, he flipped him off. “Wanna join in?”

Kyle closed his eyes and counted to the number ten under his breath. “No.” He opened his eyes back up and found Tweek rushing to redo the loops of his belt while Craig took his sweet time to look presentable.

“Your loss.” Craig readjusted his jeans, taking out a carton of cigarettes before grabbing a stick and pulling a lighter out of a separate pocket. “I’ll see you later, babe.” He pushed back Tweek’s hair and gave him a kiss on his forehead. “Don’t forget to take your meds.”

Tweek gave a little shriek in response before, with an uneasy shake, returning the kiss to his cheek. He looked so comically short next to Craig he needed to lean on the balls of his feet and it made Kyle wonder if he’d always been that short or if he’d just never bothered noticing.

As Craig opened the door of the office, Pip showed up as cheery and perky as ever. Even after Craig elbowed him in his ribs and stuck his leg out to trip him before officially leaving the office.

Coughing before dusting himself off and standing up, Pip sent them both a bright smile. “Well, it looks like I was unlucky enough to miss the little show!” He giggled when Tweek made little noises of surprise in response. “And did you have some fun, too?” Pip glanced up and down at his wrinkled shirt and mussed up hair.

“N-No!” Kyle tried to search for his ushanka in hopes that it would hide Pip’s suspicions.

“Well, either way, I came in here to check up on you. You truly frightened Christophe and me when you fell to the ground the way you did.” Pip sat on the nurse’s swivel chair, swinging his feet when they couldn’t touch the ground. “Watching you faint absolutely kept me worried throughout class.”

His accent was grating on Kyle’s ears, but he seemed to be the only even remotely sane person he’d seen so far and it was better than nothing. Even  _ if _ he was potentially making small talk with a ghost.

“Yeah, I don’t know.” Kyle glanced over at Tweek who was scouring through the cabinets. “Maybe my blood sugar got too low. I didn’t eat at all today so-”

“You have diabetes?”

“Yeah?”

“Y-You d-do?” Tweek squeaked, turning around to give Kyle a surprised look. He dropped a small pill bottle out of shock, effectively scaring himself and even making Pip jump in his seat.

“Dude, we’ve known each other for how long? You were with the group on the field trip back in middle school when Scott had to give me one of his insulin shots because I ate too much candy on the bus ride there.”

Tweek shrugged, unsure how to respond. He popped open a cap and began to search for a bottle of water, but instead grabbed his thermos of coffee. “I-I d-don’t- nngh- remember that h-happening.” He took a sip from it before popping a few pills in his mouth.

Pip shifted through one of the nurse’s drawers before grabbing an energy bar and unwrapping it before handing it to Kyle.

Taking it with a nod of appreciation, he took a bite out of it. “And I don’t remember you taking so many pills before.” Kyle stared at the quantity of bottles with almost disgust, feeling as if he was watching his friend misdiagnose himself. “I know going to rehab forced you to do a couple of things differently but-”

“I-I- ngh- never went t-to rehab.” Tweek took a gulp out of his thermos.

Kyle stared at him. “Ever since word got around about the meth in your coffee you’ve been going to rehab and specialists to wean off of it.” Kyle paused. “Haven’t you?”

“N-No,” Tweek squawked when he almost dropped his thermos, “W-When Craig f-found out- ngh- about it, h-he cut m-me off cold!” He smiled, small and cute while giggling so similarly to Butters and Pip it sent a chill down Kyle’s spine. “W-We made a d-deal! A-As long as I don’t- gah- drink m-my parent’s coffee, h-he w-won’t smoke so much!”

Kyle shot up and grabbed Tweek’s shoulders, “Tweek, do you know how dangerous that is!?” He shook him back and forth.

“Hng- W-What do you m-mean!?” Tweek stared at him, wide eyes with a surprising lack of dark circles under them.

“Tweek! All of our friends went through this huge lesson from fucking Mackey about you weaning off of meth! We had to do it for a week straight so we would know that you would probably die from an overdose just on cravings alone!”

Tweek shivered, “B-But I-I don’t get c-cravings.”

“Tweek, the first thing we were told was that your cravings would be so strong they could end up fatal for you. They told us we had to make sure you didn’t do something stupid from all the side effects of weaning!” 

“Y-You’re- ngh- not m-making any sense, K-Kyle.”

“For an entire year you practically spent each night at someone’s house just so that you could get help every time you threw up or got so sick you couldn’t move! How can you not remember any of this!?” 

He shrugged, “I-I would remember- ack- doing th-that.” Tweek sighed, dreamily with the slightest blush on his cheeks. “I’ve b-been spending m-my nights at C-Craig’s. I-I know h-he- ngh- loves me e-enough to make sure n-nothing bad happens to m-me!”

Kyle stared at Tweek: twitchy and jittery and a bundle of nerves that seemed ready to explode at any given moment. “How the fuck are you not dead!?” He turned around, motioning to Pip. “How are neither of you dead!?”

They both giggled in response, and it was starting to get on Kyle’s nerves.

Pip twirled a piece of his hair as he spoke. He looked up at him and Kyle could’ve sworn he’d never seen eyes so easily comparable to a doe’s. “You’ve been acting so odd, chap.” He stood up only to sit next to Kyle to feel his forehead with the back of his hand. “You don’t feel warm, and I doubt you’re really all that sick. Maybe your studying finally got to you!”

Kyle smacked his hand away, only feeling a tinge a guilt when Pip pouted with a cutesy expression. “I’m not sick and stop telling me that I’m a fucking study addict!” He huffed, crossing his arms. “God, I know I’m in some AP classes but that doesn’t mean I’m going to fucking Harvard.”

“Oh!” Pip clapped his hands together, “Does this mean you’ll be giving us a visit at Token’s party tonight!?”

“The last time Token invited all of us to his house we trashed it so bad that half the class was banned back in middle school. And on a Tuesday?”

“I-It’s Friday, t-today.” Tweek began to put back his various pill bottles, letting one topple over. He bent to pick it up and only made Kyle realize how tight the jeans he was wearing looked on him.

“Wh-what!? Today is Friday!?” Kyle scrambled to find his phone, pulling it out from under the sheets. “It… It’s Friday…” He ran a hand through his hair, looking at Pip. “Pip, today is Friday!”

“Yes, I know it is.” He gently pushed Kyle to lay on the bed, “And you sound rather tired. Why don’t you lie down and I can call the nurse over?” 

Pushing him back, Kyle grabbed his shoulders. “I got knocked out yesterday which was a Monday! How did I somehow travel half a week without being in a god damn coma!?” He shook him. “Explain that to me!” He stood up and grabbed his phone off of the bed. “I gotta go!” 

Watching him run out of the nurse’s office, Pip and Tweek looked at each other with confusion.

“Oh!” Tweek grabbed his phone when he felt it vibrate. “C-Craig sent me- ngh- a t-text!”

“What did he say?”

He cooed. “H-He’s asking me i-if I’ve taken my- hng- medication yet.”

“Oh, how sweet!” 

\---

Running down the halls, Kyle prayed that he would be able to find the calendar he threw away and that he wouldn’t need to go elbows deep in the garbage bin to do so. Slipping a few times on the tile as he went through the sharp turns and corners of his school, Kyle felt himself getting dizzy again. He fumbled and took a moment to rest against one of the locker walls. If he wasn’t careful, he would end up in the nurse’s office.  _ Again _ .

“God, I really don’t wanna see someone making out again…”

“What about making out?”

Kyle froze, turning around and looking up at Eric. “Nothing, fatass.”

“Hey, now that’s a little mean to say don’t you think?” He put his hands on his hips.

“So, what? You dropped three pounds and now you can act all high and mighty?” Glancing down at his stomach, Kyle had to admit that he did look a lot more fit than he could remember. His hair was in a pretty good style, too. Not to mention the acne he had on his forehead miraculously disappeared, but so did Kyle’s if his memory from that morning was accurate…

“Hey, Earth to Kyle?” Eric snapped his fingers in front of his face, promptly pulling him out of his thoughts. “What, did you get too distracted by my sheer handsomeness?” 

Quick to retort, he straightened his back as he spoke. One way or another Eric was more than a head taller than him but that didn’t make him back down. Even if it was an unexpected, extremely last second growth spurt. “Since when can you say my name right, dick?”

“Since forever.” He grunted. “And cut that ditsy shit,  _ Kyel _ . Unlike Stan, the local alcoholic, I happen to like it when you fight back and know your shit.”

“What ditsy shit, asshole?” He pulled at his hair, really feeling his blood pressure rise. He growled,  “I can’t get a fucking straight answer from anyone here and I’m fucking tired of it! First I can’t fucking recognize anyone, I get hit on by Kenny and then half the fucking guy population here at school, Pip came back from the fucking dead, and now I’m forced to talk to  _ you _ of all people!?”

Eric took a step back, genuine hurt on his face, and it made Kyle let go of his hair and unfurrow his eyebrows. “I didn’t know you think I’m that awful.” He snorted, “B-But like that even matters! It’s not like I care about some redhead fire cracker’s opinion!”

“I’m not a ging-” Wait. “You didn’t call me a ginger.” 

“So?” 

“Cartman calls me a ginger. Cartman calls so many god damn anti-semitic names I can’t keep track of them. Cartman would fight back.” He poked Eric’s chest with every statement, getting closer and closer to him until Eric was backed against one of the locker doors, staring down at Kyle with an expression he couldn’t identify. He poked him one more time. “You’re not Cartman.”

“Yes, I am.”

“Prove it.”

And then he felt hands on his hips. 

And a mouth pressed against his ear.

Eric whispered, “If you wanted me this badly you could’ve just told me. We can hit up the closet by the gym.” His hands began to travel. “I can get you on your knees again just like back at the par-“

Pushing Eric away, Kyle could barely breathe. Heaving, he took a step back and stared at Eric. The heat from his fingers on his skin, right in between his shirt and the edge of his jeans, was fading but Kyle swore he could still feel it on him. He was speechless.

Eric smiled, “Oh, so you wanna chase or something?” He took a step up to Kyle, and Kyle took one step back. “I mean, we’re at school right now… but, then again, when has that ever stopped us?”

Balling his hands into fists, Kyle only did the one thing he always did when Eric fucked with him. He swallowed his spit and threw his hand to the underside of his chin before running back down the hall from the direction he came from. He didn’t have a clue where he wanted to end up, nor did he really pay attention to the bell ring and the halls fill up with students. All he wanted to do was find somewhere private before he had a complete mental breakdown.

Passing by a few students, even shoving them as he speed-walked, he turned to the closest janitor’s closet and rushed inside before closing it shut. 

Fishing his phone out of his pocket, Kyle used the flashlight to find the switch to the light.

“Hey, there, babe. Didn’t know you wanted to join us.”

Kyle stomped his foot to the ground. “ _ God damn it _ , Kenny!” He was getting tired of this.

“Hey, Kyle. You looking for Stan in one of these closets? Wouldn’t be a surprise if you found him in one.” Bebe busied herself with adjusting her bra and buttoning her blouse. She popped a piece of gum into her mouth, somehow still glossy and plump. No doubt from her recent make-out session with Kenny.

“C’mon, babe, don’t go yet. Kyle is leaving soon, aren’t you?” Kenny didn’t bother zipping himself back up.

Crossing his arms, Kyle leaned against one of the walls. “Nope.”

“Well, then I guess I am.” She gave Kenny a peck on his lips before grabbing her backpack off of the ground and heading towards the door. Opening it, she gave a final glance to Kyle. “Thanks for ruining it, nerd.”

Kyle didn’t respond. Instead, he took the time to look at Kenny with scrutinization. “I thought you were dating Butters.” Wasn’t he? He didn’t think Butters would be someone to keep it open or have a fling.

“Yeah, but he told me we could have it open.”

Or maybe Butters  _ is _ someone who would want to keep a relationship open. “And... you’re alright with Butters sleeping or making out with anyone and everyone?” He looked pretty cute, even if it felt weird admitting it. It wouldn’t be a surprise that he would have other admirers.

“No way!” Kenny laughed, grabbing a box of cigarettes out of the pocket of his parka lined with holes. “And let someone that cute of my grasp? I’m dumb but I’m not stupid.” He motioned for Kyle to follow him out of the closet back into a recently emptied hallway. “The relationship is open on my end. Plenty of fish in the sea and I don’t wanna miss out.” His eyes ate at Kyle’s body as he spoke.

Kyle tried to ignore his gaze. “Interesting…” He hummed, not sure why he was still talking to Kenny beside the oddly welcoming aura he had. “And since when are you such a fucking chatterbox? Last time I checked you barely ever showed us your face and spoke less than ten words a day.”

“Got a lot on my mind. No use hiding it, or the pretty face I’ve been given,” He fingered the lighter in his hand, lighting it on the occasion but not yet bringing it close to his cigarette. “Plus, it’s hard to stay quiet when I’m the love guru around here.”

Kyle snorted. “You are?”

“Of course. I’ve got the life lessons, not just on love, and people are willing to listen.” Heading towards the back entrance of the school, he finally lit his stick. “And, based off of experience, it sounds like you wanna say something.”

Glancing around, Kyle tried to organize his thoughts. “Kenny, what day is it today?”

“Friday.” He kept open one of the doors for Kyle to walk through before sitting down on one of the steps. “Why?”

“What was I doing yesterday? During last period in Art. Right before school was over.”

“I was fucking around in there but last time I looked over… I think you were doing some extra credit for the class?” He scratched the back of his head. “You begged the teacher to offer you some even though you already have an A in there. She ended up being forced to give you an essay you could write.”

Kyle let Kenny’s words sit in his mind. “And Monday?”

He shrugged. “That’s almost a week ago. Hell, I can barely remember what I was doing.” He sighed out a puff of smoke. “What’s with the questions? I know Butters was talking about you acting weird but none of this is adding up.”

“I’m just… feeling a little weird. I passed out today, but I’m trying to calm down.” Kyle sat down next to Kenny, trying not to mind the smoke entering his nose.

Kenny wrapped an arm around his shoulder, letting his fingers massage the muscles. “Sounds stressful, why not relax a little more…” 

Kyle sighed, hating that he already knew where this was going. “I’m not fucking you, Kenny.”

He laughed, sincere and something Kyle didn’t expect. “I figured. You were a good lay last week so you can’t blame me for trying, though.” He winked, “But I meant coming with us to Bebe’s party.”

“I thought it was Token’s.”

“Probably. I lose track of who’s house we’re at. I just know Stan is the one bringing the alcohol and I’m the one bringing the rest of the good shit.”

“Yeah? And what do I usually bring?” Kyle felt it useless to humor the situation the way he was, but he felt helpless and confused. The least he could do was try to maintain some kind of normalcy in a day that lacked it.

“Your cute ass.” 

Kyle punched his shoulder. “Jackass.” He stood up, brushing off his jeans. “Well, tell Stan and Cartman that I’m not going tonight.” Walking back into the school, he felt Kenny grab his wrist. 

“Tonight? Dude, it’s already after school. I wouldn’t be surprised if half the class was already over there.” He stood a little straighter, “Plus, you’re going.” He began to drag Kyle down the hallway instead of keeping him outside, having thrown the butt of his stick into the snow before he left. 

“Kenny. Kenny, dude!” Kyle stumbled, trying to keep up with his friend who seemed to have taken complete control of the situation. He tried prying his hands off, but he wouldn’t budge.

Kenny only continued to lead him through the school, walking all the way to the other side the lead to the entrance to the student parking lot. Pushing the doors open, Kyle spotted Eric, Stan, and Butters talking to each other, leaning on the hood of what seemed to be Stan’s car. 

Butters stuck out so easily between the two of them, short and slender. The pastels of his clothing seemed to only dull out the bland reds and browns of the other two, and Kyle couldn’t remember Butters ever appearing so similar to a doll.

“You got Kyle? Nice. Maybe Yale can wait until the weekend.” Stan teased before pressing his keys to unlock his car. 

Eric sneered, acting as if nothing had happened in the hallway. “He’s probably gonna bring his homework and do it on the couch or something.” He opened the door to sit shotgun before Kyle could even ask.

Smiling to himself when he noticed the forming bruise under Eric’s chin, Kyle was shoved into the backseat next to Kenny, Butters sitting in between them. Kyle tried to keep his attention on Eric and Stan in the front seats while the pair beside him didn’t hesitate to start sucking face.

Adjusting his mirror, Stan yelled at them. “Hey! No fucking around in here, Kenny! I still have stains I’m trying to get rid of.”

Kenny didn’t respond, instead pulling a moan out of Butters and it only made Kyle wish he hadn’t left the nurse’s office in the first place.

Kyle didn’t dare look to his left, considering the window a safer place for his gaze. Crossing his arms, he sighed. “I’m guessing we’re going to Token’s?”

“Yup.” Stan left the parking lot, turning the radio high to listen to a sad indie song Kyle couldn’t recognize.

He scooted a little closer to the door when he felt Butters’ leg nudge him on accident. “And do I have a say in this?”

Stan moved his head to the beat of the music. “Nope.”

Sliding down his seat, Kyle groaned. “Perfect.” 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you know whats always been my favorite kyman trope? cartman going to therapy for less than a year and somehow miraculously returning as 100% “normal”. my least favorite craigs gang trope though? people forgetting jimmy is part of craig’s group.

Stan tugged Kyle through Token’s walkway, past the streamers and confetti that littered the grass, past the empty bottles of alcohol on the lawn, past the ornamentals that seemed to either be broken or graffitied on. Kyle tried not to trip over one of the partygoers passed out on Token’s lawn, beer bottle in one hand and an unlit firework in the other. Kenny pushed him from behind, encouraging him to walk faster as the music got louder and louder the closer they got to the mansion. By the time they reached the door already unlocked, Kyle felt as if the bassline had become his heartbeat. He felt his nerves force his hands to tremble, the acid in his stomach feel like it had reached his throat, and for him to feel so out of his mind without even having taken a foot into the house yet.

“C’mon, dude! We gotta bring in everything!” Stan yelled into his ear, still barely audible against the sound system.

From inside, Kyle watched as the house shifted colors, the strobe lights someone had activated turned on only to every other beat, making him feel as though he could barely understand his own movements. Kenny seemed to be getting into the swing of things, walking beside him with a beat in his step as he carried a bag filled with bongs and cannabis. He was sure their clothes would reek of it later. 

Fumbling, his head lost in the clouds, he barely realized Stan had led him to the kitchen, full of other classmates but a little less loud than the living room. He didn’t have to yell to be heard.

“So, what’s in the bag?” Kyle leaned on the counter, still trying to not lose himself in the absolute blur that was the mansion.

Pulling out bottles four at a time, Stan grinned. “Vodka, beer, just about everything!” He grabbed a red cup and began to mix something up for himself. “You know my dad never pays attention to missing bottles.” 

The island itself was already filled to the brim with soda and alcohol but from the cheers heard when Stan’s had pulled out his own stash, Kyle assumed there was a pretty important difference between regular drinks and anything Stan could bring.

“So…” Kyle watched as Stan chugged down his drink, already going for a second. No doubt a third afterward. “How often does Token throw a party?” 

“Every other weekend. He usually switches it off with Bebe.” He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. “I would’ve figured you would know that. You always say you try to avoid these parties like the fucking plague, dude.” 

“Right… right.” He sounded like such a sore, but no matter how hard he racked his brain for memories, Kyle couldn’t remember parties happening so frequently nor refusing to go to them. He loved parties. They were his excuse to relax and hang out with his friends.

But this party was anything but relaxing.

Serving himself yet another cup of alcohol, Stan’s stance was beginning to waver. “I hope you can fight for yourself though because I gotta go find Wendy.” He took a moment to throw his cup away before squeezing his way out of the kitchen and back into the living room.

Humming to himself, Kyle poured himself some soda. He figured if he didn’t open a fresh one it would’ve already been spiked. Tapping his fingers to the beat, Kyle watched everyone in the kitchen laugh and chatter. They all seemed so fit for the environment yet he felt as if he couldn’t recognize any of them.

Sipping from his cup, Kyle began to wander around the house. He was here, he might as well enjoy the absolute chaos he was witnessing.

From the corner of his eye, he spot Token and Clyde sitting on a couch and he found himself walking towards them. Taking the seat next to them, he was relieved that they didn’t send him a dirty look. From the way Bebe had treated him, he wouldn’t have been surprised.

“Hey, what’s up you guys?”

Token turned his head, calm and collected despite the sound of a nearby vase breaking. “Not much. Clyde over here tripped and really messed his knees up so I just finished helping him out.” He glanced down at the cup in Kyle’s hand. “You’re not drinking alcohol, right?” His eyebrows furrowed in worry.

“No?” He peered down at his soda. “Should I be?”

“I don’t want you to get drunk.” He pinched Kyle’s cheek, huffing. “All you guys always make me so worried. I never know what to do.” He ruffled his hair before returning his attention to Clyde, who seemed to be too busy sobbing to say anything else. 

His words were barely comprehensible, snot disgustingly close to running down his face if it weren’t for the fact that Token somehow had a little packet of tissues handy. Blowing his nose, he tried to calm down with Token’s hand on his lap. Blubbering, he wiped his eyes. “I’m s-sorry I-I-” 

“Shh, it’s okay.” He laid his arm on Clyde’s shoulder, holding him a little closer. 

Watching Token rub Clyde’s upper arm back and forth, Kyle cleared his throat and hoped this wasn’t going to be another Kenny and Butters situation. “So, um…” He glanced into the crowd, “Where’s Jimmy?”

Clyde stared at him. “Who?”

“Jimmy. Jimmy Valmer.” Kyle sat a little straighter.

“I’ve never heard of a Jimmy.” Token shrugged, “Have you, Clyde?”

“Nope.”

“Jimmy.” Kyle repeated himself, “He’s part of your group. You know? Brown hair, uses crutches to walk?” They shook their heads.

“Hey, Craig, come over here!” Clyde motioned for Craig, and Tweek, to sit nearby. Craig responded by flipping him off and smacking the back of his head. “Kyle mentioned someone named Jimmy. You know anyone like that?”

Sitting down, he pulled Tweek onto his lap who didn’t respond aside from a squeak. “Nope.” He hummed, “Describe him.”

He felt his blood run cold. “He’s your friend!” Kyle spoke, quicker and quicker. “His name is Jimmy Valmer! He can’t walk right so he uses crutches! His favorite color is yellow and he has braces with rubber bands the same color! He was the bard when we played wizards and you loved playing the tambourine while he played his lute! He wants to be a comedian and he has a stutter but he never let that stop him! You love his jokes because they make you laugh every time!”

Clyde playfully elbowed Craig in his sides. “As if Mr. Serious here could laugh!” He groaned when Craig elbowed him back even harder. “Kyle, now I know you’re making up this guy if you’re saying he could make someone like Craig show any emotion that isn’t… this.” He motioned to his friend’s lack of emotions or feelings. 

Craig stared back at Kyle, absolutely devoid of anything that could make Kyle want to look at him a second longer than he needed to. 

Token chuckled, warm and gentle. “Craig just has a tougher time speaking his mind. Isn’t that right?” He reached over enough to pat his shoulder. 

Nodding his head, he looked around. “Token, you got a room empty?” He grabbed Tweek’s hips when his boyfriend twitched and jumped in surprise at the suggestion.

“Upstairs, second door on the left.” He motioned for Craig’s attention when he stood. “Stay safe!” He sounded so genuine to Kyle, it made him worry as to exactly how prepared Token was for these type of things.

Flipping them all off as he carried Tweek away in his arms, Nichole was quick to replace his spot on the sofa. After forcing Clyde to make space for her to sit next to Token, of course. 

Quick to cuddle up to him, having wrapped her arms tightly around his shoulders, she giggled so bubbly and sweet it almost made Kyle sick. “Hi, Token!” 

“Hey, Nichole.” He gave her a peck on her lips before adjusting himself, an arm securely around her shoulder. His hand on the top of the couch was holding Clyde’s. “What’s up?”

She sighed, crossing her arms in front of her. “Red was being a bitch!” Huffing, she scooted even closer to Token, “Not to mention I ended up getting some soda on my new shoes! Buy new ones for me?”

“Of course, babe. No problem.” He gripped Clyde’s hand a little tighter, intertwining their fingers.

“Yay! I was super worried tha-“ She stared at Kyle, barely a few inches away from her. “Um, Token, what’s  _ he _ doing here?” 

Kyle waved awkwardly at her, feeling put on the spot. “Hey, Nichole.”

“Bebe told me not to talk to you because of what you did to Wendy last week.” Her flats tapped the wooden floor. “A nerd like you has some nerve coming to her party after the stunt you pulled!”

“T-This is Token’s house.”

“Like it even matters!” Standing up, Nichole stomped her foot. “If you aren’t leaving then I guess I am!” Easing her way around the sofa and coffee table she glared at her boyfriend. “Token!”

Jumping, he let go of Clyde’s hand. “Y-Yes, babe?”

“I’m giving you two options! Either you join me and you get to be my boyfriend for another week or I end up catching you making out with Clyde again and we break up for real this time!”

“B-Break up!?” Token chased after her, leaving his friends in the dust.

“ _ Again _ !?” Kyle exasperated as he looked at Token and Clyde back and forth. He opened his mouth to say something else but realized he wouldn’t get much of an answer when he noticed the tears building up in Clyde’s eyes. He leaned over, his hand hovering. “Clyde?”

“God! I hate when this happens!” He wiped his nose with the sleeve of his shirt, having run out of tissues. Kyle tried not to grimace. “I-I’m just, I’m gonna,” Standing up, he wiped his eyes harshly with his palms despite them refusing to stop flowing, “I’m going to the kitchen and if Token stops being an ass then he’ll know where to find me! God, if only Craig were here…” He ran off before Kyle could get a word out.

He stayed still on the couch, now empty. And it would’ve been a relief to him if he didn’t realize it meant someone else could fill in the spot. Jumping off, he speed-walked out of the living room and towards one of the halls. Staring at the floor as he walked, his solo cup of soda abandoned, he just hoped he knew the layout of the house well enough to not get lost. With a sigh of relief, Kyle found a hallway decently empty and leaned against the wall before sitting on the floor.

Pulling out his phone he tapped the screen and searched for Ike’s contact. He hummed, unable to find it and instead just typed his phone number in from memory.

_ Hey im at a party right now. If mom asks tell her im studying at tokens and that i might stay late because of a test or something. You know the drill. Thanks. _

Shooting the message, he put the phone back in his pocket not expecting an immediate reply. If he was right, his brother was probably distracted watching some gaming videos online.

Running a hand through his hair, Kyle thought of what to do. He assumed the party would be nothing out of the norm. In retrospect, he wasn’t sure why he expected that. But hindsight was twenty-twenty, it was near freezing outside, and he only had a single short sleeve on. Walking home was out of the question unless he wanted to be frozen alive. If he was lucky, he could convince someone to let him borrow their car, but he wasn’t even sure anyone had their keys with them considering the amount of alcohol everyone was drinking.

“Oh! There you are!”

Looking up, Kyle watched as Kenny and Butters headed his way. They sat down next to him, Kenny wrapping an arm around both of them despite Kyle shrugging his arm off.

“I’m not interested, Kenny. This was entertaining at first but now I’m not even confused, I’m just tired.”

“That, my dear friend,” He stood up, grabbing Kyle’s wrist and pulling him up with him. “Is why we’re heading to Token’s basement. You’ve been acting like you’ve got something up your ass that isn’t someone’s di-”

“Kenny!” Kyle shoved him.

“Sorry, sorry.” Kenny chuckled, his smile crooked and charming. “But you know what I meant. And since you’re acting like double the prude you usually are, I thought Mary Jane’s gift would help you calm down or something.” He tugged him back towards the living room.

“I know it might be scary smoking but don’t worry, Kyle! Kenny can teach you like he did with me!” Butters tagged along, holding onto Kenny’s other arm as if it were his lifeline. He giggled when Kenny whispered something in his ear and nipped it.

Kenny growled in response, pulling a bright red blush out of Butters. “If you want I can teach you again.” 

Kyle stared at them, “I’ve smoked before.” He let Kenny guide him and Butters through one of Token’s other dens before finding the door to the basement. “Sure, Kenny supplied, but we’ve all been smoking for a while.”

“Aw, babe, you don’t have to act so brave.” Kenny let go of his wrist to instead trace down Kyle’s chin to his neck and shoulders. “I’m here to protect you if you get scared.” He leaned down like he had with Butters, his breath hot and heavy, “And there is nothing to be scared of.”

Before Kenny could do anything close to kissing him, Kyle shoved him away before taking lead and walking down the basement steps on his own. The lower down the stairs the got harder it got to see. His vision was so clouded he was grateful that a few neon lights had been turned on. Everything around him seemed to be a color of the rainbow and as found a circle in the center of the room, he immediately squeezed in.

“Well, would you look who it is.”

“Shut up, Cartman.” Kyle didn’t bother looking to his side, the voice was enough to give it away.

“I’m just trying to welcome you. First time I see you join us,  _ Kyel. _ ”

Kyle scoffed, taking the joint Kenny handed him before huffing a cloud in Eric’s face. Kenny whistled. “And I don’t need some dumb welcome.” He looked around, “Someones missing. Where’s Stan?”

Smoking for a moment, he didn’t return the action. Eric shrugged and nodded his head over to one of the various sofas and loveseats. “Probably making up with Wendy. That bitch has the tightest grip on someone’s balls I’ve ever seen and he’s probably loving it.” He spoke with disdain. 

Kyle looked around through the exaggerated smoke cloud as well as he could, checking each seat before spotting the familiar blue and red beanie. He watched for only a second, Stan on top of Wendy as they kissed, and he would’ve turned away without a moment’s hesitation if he hadn’t noticed Stan watching him. As Wendy squirmed and moaned underneath him, tugging his beanie off to grip his hair, Stan only watched Kyle. And he couldn’t look away either.

As Wendy attempted to pop off a few of Stan’s buttons, completely forgetting where they were and who was around them, she noticed where his eyes were. Grabbing his chin, she harshly tugged it down to make him look at her. She turned her head to the side, giving a single glare towards Kyle before colliding her lips with Stan’s. It was more like they were in some weird battle from Kyle’s point of view, but either way, he didn’t want to watch two people get it on in a basement and decided it would be best if he left the basement.

As he stood up he could’ve sworn Wendy glanced his way with pride. 

“Actually, you know what? I’m just gonna go.” He stopped when Eric grabbed his wrist.

“I’ll join you.”

“You’ve got company.” Kyle spat back.

Shaking his head, Eric pointed to Butters and Kenny who were off in their own world beside them. Kenny already had his shirt off and his hands were grabbing Butters’ ass, happily snapping the elastic of… panties? Kyle didn’t want to ask.

“Fine.” He nodded, urging Eric to stand up quickly lest they see more than they wanted. “Move fast. I don’t wanna see more than I have to.”

Jogging up the stairs, Eric motioned for Kyle to join him in the kitchen. Opening a box of pizza, he grabbed one with a napkin and handed it to Kyle.

“Word from the neighborhood druggie tells me that you passed out today.”

“Yeah.”

“You ate yet?”

He stared at the slice of pizza in Eric’s hand. “...No.”

Eric urged Kyle to eat it and without a word, Kyle grabbed it and took a bite. He scoffed as Kyle looked him up and down with wary, “I’m not a fucking monster.” He tacked on quickly, “Anymore.”

Kyle wiped his mouth with the napkin. “What does that mean?”

“C’mon, Kyle.” Eric scooted closer to him, avoiding a few of the partygoers as he did. “You told me yourself I changed.”

He snorted, “From what? Psychopath to maniac?”

“No, I’m serious. You watched me go to therapy over summer and change. You told me that you would be willing to give me a chance.”

“Dude,” Kyle tried to distance himself, “A chance for what?” He tried not to pull his hand away when Eric grabbed it with his own.

“For us.”

Eric got close, so close Kyle could feel his breath against his lips. His eyes were a brown Kyle could get lost in, so similar to the way he’d felt when he’d seen Butters’ baby blues, and that only scared him. He could barely feel the hand holding the back of his neck, the fingers gently threading his red curls. Instead, all he could focus on was how  _ genuine _ Eric appeared. His eyebrows were furrowed and his lower lip quivered as if any negative answer would hurt him. 

“I… I-I, Cartman, I don’t kn-” Kyle pushed him away by his chest.

“What.” Eric stood up straight, completely towering over Kyle. “You think Stan can deal with Wendy?”

“Wendy doesn’t have anything to do wi-”

“She has everything to do with it,  _ Kyel _ .” He grumbled, crossing his arms. “Every time you fucking sleep with Stan, she finds out somehow, threatens to break up with him, and then they end up back together.”

“I never slept with Stan!” Kyle blushed, unwilling to believe the accusation. He didn’t care that a couple of his classmates stared at him.

“So, what?” Eric took a step closer to Kyle, “You slept with who else? Kenny? Token? Christophe? Anyone I’m forgetting? Craig? Tweek? For all I know you’ve slept with over half our fucking class.” 

Kyle slapped him, absolutely mortified at what Eric was telling him. “You’ve got some fucking nerve, Cartman!”

Eric grabbed his wrist. “Yeah? So whats this? Foreplay so we can go upstairs to your favorite room here? So we can get it on halfway down the hall before getting inside?” Kyle tugged his wrist but Eric’s fingers wouldn’t budge. “So that you can get on your knees for me? Just like you did last week and the week before that? Just like every single god damn week because you can’t make up your damn mind and pick a boyfriend despite all the shit I did for you?”

Staring up at Eric, Kyle stayed silent.

“Was me going to a therapist not enough? Because I can tell you bachelor number one is an alcoholic whose liver is about to give out and bachelor number two is a sex addict who needs to keep a relationship open so survive.” He spat, “I’m the best you got, Kyle.”

With his empty hand, Kyle punched Eric. The same place he’d gotten to earlier. “Fuck you, Cartman.” And without a second thought, he ran out of the kitchen.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I just want to give such a huge thank you to every single one of you that have commented and been commenting since the beginning of this story! Really, its the reception and support all of you give me that makes me want to continue this story and make sure it lives up to what all of you expect!
> 
> Really, thank you guys.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You ever notice how nearly every fandom w a latino character likes to exaggerate that the character is latino no matter what? Yeah, as a latina, im not the biggest fan of that. Nor am I a fan of Damien being written as like the ultimate abusive partner like, let the boy smile.
> 
> What am I a fan of though? Red being queen lesbian.

Pushing past various classmates, even getting someone’s drink spilled on the sleeve of his shirt, Kyle rushed to get as far away from Eric as possible. He felt flushed and nervous. Out of all the things he could’ve expected for him to say, the two of them dating wasn’t one of them. It was  _ ridiculous _ ! Not to mention the crazy accusation he made, saying that Kyle was so loose that he slept with not only his closest friends but over half of the student body!? That alone made him furious.

Blinded by his rage, Kyle hadn’t even realized he had crashed into someone until he’d stumbled into someone’s hands.

“You’re not Pip.” Damien sneered and let go of Kyle’s arms, effectively letting him drop to the floor. 

Rubbing where his elbow hit the ground, he watched in silence as Damien walked over to where Pip was. Punch was spilled on the tiling and his shorts were edging with a new stain. Supporting himself with his arms, Pip gasped when he noticed Kyle in front of him.

“Oh, Kyle! Please pardon me!” He took the hand Damien offered him. “I didn’t see you walking towards me!”

As soon as he was standing, Damien worried over him without somehow showing a single emotion. “Did he hurt you?” He grabbed Pip’s upper arm.

“Oh, of course not, love! I’m just a clutz is all!”

“Good.” He growled, gripping Pip’s arm tighter, “That’s my job.”

Getting up on his own he brushed himself off he watched the two of them interact. The last time Kyle could remember even thinking Damien held any relevance was back in elementary school when he’d done all he could to gain the student body’s favor. But that was also back when he had eyebrows thicker than a caterpillar, hair styled like a mullet, and a bad case of a squeaky voice that could put a cartoon character to shame. 

Now? He looked just as handsome as all the other guys Kyle had seen today, but that only made him look even more generic. The only things that truly helped make him stand out aside from his sharp-featured attractiveness was the inky black tail coming out the back of his jeans, and the sharp teeth that made Kyle wary of getting too close to him. And the fact that he was dressed nearly completely in black. Give him a cigarette and he could pass for a goth kid a little too into roleplay. Actually, he probably had a pack on him just like every other guy Kyle had seen so far.   


“Pip,” Kyle’s hands hovered, unsure of what to do, “You alright?” He stared at the hand on Pip’s arm, tight with nails digging in. And somehow he acted as if it wasn’t even there.

Pip giggled, covering his mouth with his hand, “Of course! Why, Damien was just about to lead me away somewhere! Isn’t that right, love?” He got to the tips of his feet to press a kiss against Damien’s cheek.    


“Right, so,” Damien bared as he shot fire at Kyle’s feet. “Move.”

Holding onto Pip’s upper arm right underneath his armpit, Kyle couldn’t help but notice the way it appeared as if Pip was being dragged instead of being lead. If it weren’t for the ashes at his feet and the slight smoke rising up, he would’ve gone after them and asked Pip if he truly was fine. But, he  _ had _ to be alright with the way he was giggling and twirling his hair around his finger, right?   


Doing his best to shrug it off, Kyle returned to the task at hand of getting as far away from the kitchen as possible. Walking around, he tried to find a haven away from everyone who seemed to be grinding and shaking whatever they had as the music played and the bass shook his body. He was starting to feel claustrophobic with how he was practically drowning in a sea of bodies, each one of them pressed against him offering drinks and drugs he’d never even heard before. Kyle had absolutely no clue how they’d even gotten whatever it was they were offering, but he’d rather deny it all before actively putting any of it in his body.   


Spotting out of the corner of his eye the sliding doors leading to the backyard, he ran towards them as fast as he could. Taking a step out, he slid them closed and immediately fell against them. Slipping to the floor, he tried to ignore the snow seeping through his jeans and instead try to enjoy the chill of the cold air against his warm skin. He’d become absolutely overwhelmed from all of the crowds and he seemed to find absolutely no relief. At least on the backyard porch, he found silence. With a single person sitting down at the edge and another smoking in silence by the wooden fence, Kyle hoped he wouldn’t be bothered.

Standing back up he took a few steps to one of the benches and instead attracted the attention of someone else.

Turning his head, David grinned. “Kyle!  _ Amigo _ , I didn’t see you there!” He ended up joining Kyle on the bench, sitting rather close and wrapping an arm around his shoulder. “You should’ve told me you were coming to the party! I would’ve kept you company.”

Glancing at David, the arm around his shoulder, and then back to David, he wasn’t sure how exactly to take the way he spoke. His accent, one that Kyle couldn’t remember him ever having, was thick and… exotic? It was the only word that came to his mind but it felt heavy and foreign on his tongue. “A-Amigo?” He chuckled awkwardly. “It’s the first time I hear you call me that.”

“I always call you that!” He leaned in closer, his voice a purr and his letters rolling, “ _ Pero _ … do you want me to call you  _ amor  _ instead? Maybe  _ tesoro _ would be better…” David pulled Kyle in closer, tilting his chin up.

“David, I, um, I-I’m flattered, I really am but, um-” Kyle wasn’t sure what it was, but there was a certain charm David seemed to newly possess. A certain aura not unlike Kenny’s and it pulled him in. It made his new accent seem appropriate, his tan skin illusive, and his entire being addictive. But the random Spanish vocabulary made him struggle to remember his single year in Spanish class from middle school

“C’mon,  _ amor _ . Why are you denying  _ lo que sabes _ ? Our time spent in the restaurant, at school, even at your house. You can’t deny we have an attraction hotter than the sun.” He leaned in closer, thumbing Kyle’s lips. “And meeting out here without even having known we were at the same party? I call that  _ un destino _ .” He leaned in closer while Kyle stared at him with confusion.

“I call that stalking.” Stan interrupted, an empty bottle in his hand. His stance was wavering but his words seemed solid. As if he’d only come to intimidate.

Grabbing Kyle’s hand, David stood up and walked around Stan to head towards the sliding doors back to the party. But then Stan grabbed Kyle’s other wrist. Pulling him to the side, Stan wrapped an arm around Kyle’s shoulders and held him close.   


“I doubt he wants to go with you.” He hiccuped, the bottle in his hand falling to the ground and shattering. But he didn’t seem too focused on that. 

Laughing, melodic and amused, David only blocked the entrance to the house. “I can’t remember him saying that a few days ago. My  _ amor _ seemed to have plenty of fun crying out for me instead of his  _ super best friend _ .” He sighed, “Really, Stan, we have this argument every time. Why not just accept the fact that Kyle chooses me over you?” David winked at Kyle, a charming smile on his face.

Kyle, however, turned red at the story David had spun. He never slept with him! Last week he’d been playing one of the newest console games with Ike at home all day! Who, he realized, had yet to respond to him. And that worried him.

"And your point!? I could say the same thing about when I grabbed him after football practice!” Stan retorted, as if that statement helped Kyle’s situation at all.

“So you admit you’re gay!”

“I’m not gay!”

Realizing his opportunity, Kyle elbowed Stan in his stomach before running past David and back into the mansion. He didn’t even want to look back as he heard more yelling. 

So, as Kyle ran through the house, he eventually figured it safe enough to walk. Glad he could disguise himself amongst the array of party-goers, he only looked behind on the occasion to make sure he wasn’t being followed. The third time he did, he ran into Wendy.

“There you are!”

Kyle paled, “E-Excuse me?”

“You evil fucking piece of shit! You just had to have Stan all for yourself! Where is he now!? Hiding in some closet you two made out in!? Again!?” The more Wendy yelled, the closer she got to Kyle until they were practically nose to nose. 

Kyle tried not to touch her despite how much he wanted her to just take a step or two back. He needed to keep calm despite having no clue what was going on. “Wendy, I-I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Cut the crap, Broflovski!” Bebe appeared seemingly out of nowhere, joining Wendy’s side. And just as angry if not more. “We all know the shit you’ve been pulling.” She popped her bubblegum, her lip gloss never smudging.

“Yeah! Who knows what else he’s hiding!” Nichole joined in, obviously irritated by something Kyle had done. And for the first time in his life, Kyle saw Nichole genuinely angry. 

“Seriously, I mean-”

Red showed up behind him, blocking a chance for his escape. “Obviously he won’t tell us shit!” Cracking her knuckles, she sneered.

“Kyle, just tell me where the fuck Stan is so I can give both of you a piece of my damn mind! God, I’m  _ so _ breaking up with him again this week!” Fuming, Wendy gripped onto Kyle’s collar. 

Grabbing her wrists, Kyle tried to keep her off of him but she was relentless. Her knuckles were white and her glare felt like it was enough to kill. But all Kyle could do was ramble, unsure if there was anything he could think of doing that would keep him from ending up slaughtered.

And then he was pulled to the side, dragged by a hand through the crowds while Wendy cried out for him. But only when her voice faded with the music was Kyle able to finally plant his feet on the ground and stop whoever had grabbed him.

“What? Don’t I get a reward for zaving you?” Christophe responded, crossing his arms as he looked down at Kyle.

“I barely know what you’re saying half the time and I’m not gonna thank a ghost.”

“I told you zat I was brought back to life.”

“Yeah, and so was Pip, but I don’t believe in the fucking supernatural.”

“And I waz looking forward to zomething more zan just ‘an attitude.”

“What? You think I’m gonna put out for you, too?” Christophe stayed silent. “Fuck, don’t tell me. Where was it this supposed last time? Locker room? Bathroom? Some fucking party that I didn’t even know Token had?” 

He cleared his throat. “My bedroom. You asked me for tutoring because you zaid you needed ‘elp wiz your AP French classez.”

“I don’t even take French.” Let alone an advanced placement class for a language he couldn’t speak.

“Well, eizer way, you learned  _ zomething _ French by the time our tutoring zession finished.”

“And you decided you wanted to lay with  _ me _ of all people why, exactly?” Kyle raised an eyebrow. He was no longer even in the realm of possibly believing any accusations against him. A party? Maybe he drank and didn’t know what he’d done. But getting with people while sober? He would remember that, at least.   
  
Christophe shrugged, “I don’t know. It waz eizer you or Gregory.” He pulled out the cigarette in his mouth, puffing smoke to the side before replacing it. “And Gregory ‘az not arrived yet.” He mentioned off-hand.

“Wh… Why?”   
  
He shrugged again, silent in thought. “I feel… like I should. Like zomeone iz telling me I should.” He took a step closer, grinding his cigarette into a small bowl filled with ones gone cold. “Don’t you?” Christophe lifted Kyle chin, grinning. His usually tired eyes showed excitement and adoration, something Kyle couldn’t remember seeing when they were younger. Usually, it was only disdain. A distrust of everyone and everything.   


“How the fuck do you believe someone is telling you to!? You always talk about how you hate God!” He scoffed, “I doubt that you can suddenly believe in a higher power and can call God a bitch at the same time.”

“People change. We learn new thingz,” He leaned in with a smug grin on his face, holding Kyle’s chin in one hand to tilt it up, “And I can teach you even newer things again if you’re willing.”    


“God, how many people do I have to punch today?” Before Christophe could even think, Kyle thrust his fist into an uppercut and ran down the hall.

His newest mission? Finding an empty room, locking it, and sleeping in there until next morning. But, for the moment, he just needed to get into the nearest bathroom and text his brother. He was starting to get worried.

Sliding into a bathroom, trying to not focus on the fact that he saw Clyde and Kevin leave while trying to zip themselves back up, Kyle sat on the toilet seat cover and tried to text Ike.

_ Hey. You arent answering and im getting worried. If youre busy i get it but at least send something to let me know youre alive. _

_ Im literally in hell right now and id appreciate you asking mom to pick me up if she can. Theres too many teen hormones here please rescue me. _

He sighed, running a hand through his hair. He would’ve figured he could take a nap in the bathtub after locking the door, but he found Red making out with Annie and booked it before either of them could remember to be mad at him. So, left without many options, Kyle simply ran back into the crowd and tried to brace whatever could come his way.

And then he saw a flicker of a yellow shirt.

Jimmy. Oh, please let it be Jimmy. All he wanted was something familiar. A dirty joke filled with stutters because he would get nervous trying to deliver a punchline. A piece of advice to pick up girls and guys alike based on his own experiences. Something. Anything to let him know that not only was he not a figment of Kyle’s imagination, but that also the weird reality he was in wasn’t actually all that weird.

And then a hand grabbed him and pulled him the other way.

“Kyle, man, you really surprised me when you left with Cartman back in the basement.” Kenny practically yelled to be heard over the loud music. He didn’t notice the way Kyle stared back at the yellow shirt in the crowd until it disappeared from sight. “Butters is down for the count until later, but you know me. So, I figured that maybe we could…?”

Kyle barely paid attention to Kenny, only nodding along to every word he heard. His focus was on the yellow shirt in the crowd, “Yeah, yeah, sure.” He let Kenny guide him to wherever he was being led to. He focused on the shirt all he could. Something about it standing out so easily that Kyle could almost feel something telling him that he was supposed to find the owner and talk to them. To introduce that person as Jimmy and actually have people come to their fucking senses.

But instead the shirt disappeared and Kyle was lead to an empty room with a bed.

And then there were hands on his hips.

“You’ve been playing almost coy all day. I’m actually pretty surprised you agreed to a little romp before I get back out there.” Kenny grinned, very clearly looking as if he would get lucky tonight. Again. “But, I know better than to question you.”

When Kenny leaned in for a kiss, Kyle immediately placed his hands over Kenny’s mouth. “Woah! Woah.” He pushed his face away, “Kenny, you’re with Butters. He’s asleep right now but I’m sure he’d love to wake up and have you still there.” He raised an eyebrow. He knew the relationship was open for Kenny but Kyle knew that wasn’t right. Not for Kenny. He knew his friend better than that. 

“What do you mean? We always do this and he’s always cool with it. We fuck and then I bounce and then we fuck later.” He spoke so bluntly that it surprised Kyle. “And I get if you’re worried about getting caught by Stan but he’s still outside fighting David so I think you’re fine.”

Kyle took a step back, sliding out of Kenny’s grasp. “Hey, look, I get it,” He tried to reach for the doorknob behind him, trying to find it before he was caught, “But, I’m actually pretty tired from the party and-”

Kenny pulled out a pill from his parka pocket, a few cigarettes falling out when he pulled his hand out. “Well, then take this. I’m surprised you didn’t grab anything Tweek offered.” 

Grabbing the doorknob, he shook his head, “A-Actually, I took one when we arrived. I just,” Kyle turned the knob, “I think I need to take more than just one. You know, after taking so many at every party you get used to them.” He opened the door, “I’ll go grab a few more!”

Dashing out of the door, he found himself looking for any room that wasn’t used. He needed somewhere that he could just lock a door and wait the party out until morning. Anything. Even a closet would work except when he found one he discovered Eric and Butters making out. Eric yelled something about a spin the bottle challenge but Kyle was long gone before he could even finish his sentence. 

He figured he would’ve learned his lesson after that, but Kyle just continued to open door after door in hopes of finding anything empty. Instead, he found horny teen couple after horny teen couple. He’d nearly lost his eyebrows from a fire tossed his way when he walked in on Damien and Pip, the screech he’d heard from Tweek after walking in on him and Craig nearly made Kyle deaf, and it only seemed to get worse and worse from there. He didn’t bother questioning the logic that came from finding Stan making out with Kenny, both of them trying to invite him in to which he declined with a slam of the door.

It felt almost like a miracle when he’d found a single storage room left untouched absolutely. A small mattress was leaning against the wall and when he moved it to the floor he immediately fell on top of it. He was no longer even in the realm of being even mildly interested in anything going on outside those doors during the party as long as the door stayed locked and he could sleep everything away in the hopes of it all being a ridiculous dream.

And sleep he did.


End file.
